The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
