Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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