How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
