You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
