Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
