day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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