Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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