you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
