you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
