I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
