roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
