Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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