We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
