I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
