You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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