Can i not drive my cunt home
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
