Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
