We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
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