Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
