I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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