I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
