i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
