he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
In America we eat man semen.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
