Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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