Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
