Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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