a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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