Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
