I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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