do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
