two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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