you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
