It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
