if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
