so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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