are you still at the devil's house?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
