She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
it glows. i had to have it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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