omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
