She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
