On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
look no pants
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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