I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
