NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just want to make out with him forever
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
