he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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