I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
