He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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