All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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