went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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