$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
