just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
