need another drink. this is the easiest way
wanna go halves on a baby?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
