I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
