Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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