i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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