Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
