puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
